Thanks to NetGalley & Ballentine Books for this eARC copy in exchange for my honest review.
Format:
eBook
Rating:
5 STARS
Summary:
Audrey is headed back to her small hometown with her bougie photographer fiance, Ben, in tow so he can meet her parents. She has hidden this piece of herself away from Ben, and the rest of her life in New York in part due to shame, and in part due to hurt. She ran from her relationship with her demanding mother to New York, and ran from her small life in her small town, in an effort to both become her own person and please her mother. Audrey is faced with the difficult decision of continuing to hide who she really is and or showing her whole personality to her fiance, and ultimately herself.
50% Progress Check:
I'm not going to lie, it's midnight, and I've been reading since 10, and I'm not going to put this book down till I finish. This is a dramatic hot/cold relationship, mixed with multi-generational cultural divides, mixes with unrequited crushes. Audrey's relationship with her parents hits home for me, as an AAPI.
Immediate Completion Thoughts:
I'm so happy with the ending. I was hoping she wouldn't settle and she didn't. Audrey definitely got the wake-up call she needed and it was so satisfying the way it played out.
Most Surprising Moment:
TBH the drunken moments.
This Book Reminds Me Of:
Mildly like The Notebook Girls and as another reviewer mentioned, 'Tis the Damn Season by Taylor Swift
Final Ramble-y Thoughts:
Audrey wasn't a super likable character, and to be completely honest, most characters weren't 100% likable, except her Dad. BUT I think that's what makes this book so good. Each character is SO real. Relatable and also hatable. There were several times where I was like, Uhhhm, Audrey, you're kind of being a bad person. But I also think that her feelings are so real - it is super hard being the odd one out, especially in a small town, and dealing with racism is really the only way that is possible in such a small town, which unfortunately is just...trying to ignore it, because no matter how hard you fight to stand up for yourself, you still will be outcast. It is terrible. I think this book is powerful in that Cai didn't sugarcoat the truth, which is yes, racism exists, and this is how we experience it as AAPI. In addition to the racism faced by AAPI, there are also such high expectations put on us, both from our own parents, and the same people who are calling us racist names - the stereotypes of being the "smart" Asian, and being the "successful" daughter are indeed stereotypes, but also an expectation we are forced to try to live up to. It was frustrating to read it because I experienced the same expectations from my parents and the same bullying from my peers.
Let's talk about Audrey's relationship with her parents. I think it's accurately summed up by something my mother said to me when I was younger. She said I always go to her for my problems, but when she tries to help me with them, I would cry to my dad about how she was so unfair for judging me. I've noticed that most of my other AAPI girlfriends are daddy's girls, and favor their dad over their mom. It's kind of a forever, "protect dad from the drama". But also mom knows too much so we can't talk to her about bad stuff either. UGH. This book is so good.
I'm going to leave the romance on the table because honestly, the romance was juicy and interesting, but I was more interested in the cultural insights. I have felt that same, "hide who you are" feeling with past boyfriends because I still wanted to uphold the "Asian and Indigenous, but raised white" persona because being too much more than that is "too ethnic" and "too different". How fascinating is it that we have to hide parts of ourselves to fit in, and when we show our whole selves, we're told we've shown too much? I could go on and on about this...so, needless to say, this book shook me.
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